Teaching kids to worship

Since beginning ministry in my current congregation, I've noticed how few high school and middle school students attend worship. 

Part of the reason for that is that during the last decade, our congregation has prioritized age-specific ministry, sending children to Kids' Church while grown ups worship in the main service. 

While there's a place for age-specific ministry, kids learn to worship by being in worship.  

Knowing this, our congregation has restructured Kids' Church this fall. Kids now start in worship each week, a practice that I love as a professional and as a parent . 

That said, I know that new practices like this one can be challenging. For parents, they can be downright stressful. 

So, what can you do as a parent, grandparent, or caring adult to help kids learn to worship? 

Try these 10 practices. 

1. Talk about worship---at home, in the car, and throughout the week. Help children understand why worship is important to you. Share which worship elements you look forward to participating in each week and which are a bit harder for you to engage with. Doing so will normalize the idea that we naturally like some worship components more than others, which will help kids settle into the parts of worship they don't particularly like. 

2. Sit up front. As parents, it can be tempting to sit in the back of a worship space so that our kids don't unnecessarily distract others. When we do that, we actually make it harder for them to engage because they just can't see as well. Kids deserve to take up space, in worship and elsewhere. So sit up front, where nothing obstructs their vision or unnecessarily distracts them from worship.   

3. Model what you want your child to do. If you want your child to sing, sing. If you want your child to pray, pray. If you want them to be quiet, model quiet. 

4. Set expectations for worship. Talk with your child before and after worship about what you hope they'll gain from the experience. Let them know what you want them to do during that time. Expect children of all ages to stand when you stand, sit when you sit, and kneel when you kneel. Encourage those who can read to sing with you, pray with you, and follow along in the bulletin / screens. Help pre-readers know where you are by pointing out different worship elements in the bulletin and pointing at lyrics in your hymnal. Hold those who can't yet read and sing into their ear or invite them to do a quiet activity to engage their hands so that they can better listen to what's going on around them. Whisper choruses of praise songs into your littles' ears to help them sing the most repetitive parts of songs, even if it's only a line or two each week. 

5. If your church uses the same prayers or worship parts each week, use them at home too. For example: If you pray the Lord's Prayer every Sunday, use it as your meal time or bedtime prayer. The more you practice something at home, the more children will be ready to join in during worship. 

6. Ask Alexa to play praise songs or hymns your congregation sings at home so that those songs are reinforced during the week. Encourage your kids to sing and dance to these songs at home, in the same way you want to engage with them during worship at church. 

7. Don't expect your child to sit still the whole time. Hand them a quiet fidget while their seated. Let them move or dance in place as they sing. Don't expect kids to suddenly be adults when you enter worship. That sets everyone up for failure. Instead, give them the freedom to be kids, knowing that God wants their worship, too. 

8. Don't shush children, particularly if they're asking about something they're seeing or hearing in worship. Instead, respond to their question to help them engage in what they see happening. Quiet questions or observations almost always show a child is engaging more than silence.    

9. Play I-spy. Yep, you heard that right. Play a game with your child to get them to notice things in your worship space. Ask them to find all the crosses and count or draw them. Have them make a mark for each different color they see in your space. Have them count how many singers are up front or in the choir. Give them a word or phrase to listen for like "Jesus", "Bible" or "Hallelujah" and have them count those occurrences as well. Then after worship, talk about what your child noticed and why those things are in the worship space. 

10. Tell them you're glad they're there. Tell your kids, your grandkids, and the child sitting near you in worship you're really glad they're there. Let them know why their presence mattered to you. And then call out something good. Affirm a moment you saw them worship and talk about how that helped you worship. The more we call out the good, the less children will rely on using negative behaviors to get our attention. 

Worshipping with littles is challenging...and yet it's also incredible. One of my favorite early memories of little Hope was watching her come home and "play" church after having attended church. She understood more of the structure and purpose of church than I ever imagined---simply by being there. The same is (or will be!) true for your child. 

Just as worship connects adults with the God who transforms them, it has the potential to do the same for kids, particularly when we take steps as congregations and parents to make our space more kid-friendly. 

Sure, it can be challenging. 

But like most challenging things, it's worth it. 

I see the benefits in my own kids. 

And I'm excited to see what our church will look like a decade from now, when kids, middle schoolers, and high schoolers are also worshiping alongside adults. 

Because here's the thing. Worshipping with the entire body of Christ isn't just better for the kids, it's better for adults too. Together, we'll encounter God and be transformed into followers of Jesus.